Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My Economic Stimulus Solution

Dear Barry,

It looks like this economic mess is making your term more difficult than you anticipated. There are a whole lot of people who are mad at your or really don't like you at all. There's more bickering going on than solutions in Washington, and it seems too much like that ole thing from elementary school "I don't like him because he doesn't like me and my friends."

I've got a solution to help you out. The way I figure it, there are 305,790,906 people in the United States right now. The stimulus bill your buddies in the Senate passed today costs $838 Billion bucks. Very few people are satisfied with the way you and your buddies want to spend those $838 billion buckaroos.

So, why don't you just split the $838 billion bucks between all of us 305,790,906 Americans? That's $2,740.43 per American. We're not really all that greedy. Let's round it to $2700 and you can keep $40.43. (You'd save $12,363,126,329.58 just by rounding down 40 bucks.)

Just give every American a check for $2,700 and tell them to spend it before you change your mind.

I've been thinking about what I would do with my check.

1. I would buy the Kindle 2: Amazon's New Wireless Reading Device (Latest Generation) for $359. (I'll even buy your books for it!)

2. I also want a new laptop. The Sony Vaio costs $1529.99.

(I've still got $811.01)

3. I would also invest in the local economy at the Spa at Oak Haven. Their Signature Series Package looks heavenly, and it only costs $480.

4. I would buy up 5 bottles of RareMinerals Purely Nourishing Facial Moisturizer because that stuff is AMAZING! That's $160, but there's a store near me that gives locals a 10% discount. That means I'd have $16 for lunch and dessert.

(I've still got $171.01.)

5. I'd have to go out to eat. Olive Garden has a very nice Black Tie Mousse Cake. I'll take a hundred bucks and tip well.

6. I gotta be honest. I'd take my last $71 to a local gas station to buy tickets from the Tennessee lottery. There are two benefits here: 1. I am investing in an opportunity to get more money with which I could continue to stimulate the economy. 2. I'm giving money to education in the state of Tennessee.

So I'll be waiting for the check. If you want to save on postage, just shoot me an email from the BlackBerry and I'll give you my bank info. Or we could just use PayPal if that works for you.

Don't worry, I'll help my husband spend his too.


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